


To Catch an Italian

by tinyfierceandsassy



Category: The Mindy Project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 17:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2858258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyfierceandsassy/pseuds/tinyfierceandsassy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N: This is my secret santa fic for mindiangrowl! I put the prompt at the end because I didn't wanna spoil the surprise :)</p>
    </blockquote>





	To Catch an Italian

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mindiangrowl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mindiangrowl/gifts).



> A/N: This is my secret santa fic for mindiangrowl! I put the prompt at the end because I didn't wanna spoil the surprise :)

It was the sound of the Taranetella blasting from Mindy’s office that gave it away.

 

Danny burst in, disrupting a dancing Mindy. “Alright, where is it?”

 

Mindy sighed and shut off the recording, popping the CD out and handing it back to Danny. “There, you spoil sport.”

 

“Thanks.” Danny grunted. “Why did you need my Italian American Classics CD anyway? You know Ariana Grande isn’t on here, right?”

 

Mindy lit up. “No, but it’s still my key to winning Paolo’s heart!”

 

“Paolo?”

 

“Yes, Paolo. Like in the Lizzie McGuire movie!”

 

“Who’s he? Your pizza delivery guy?” Danny grinned, proud of his joke.

 

“No, Danny, Paolo is a visiting consultant to the marketing firm downstairs. He’s Italian and so suave and stunning.” Danny scoffed. “That’s why I needed to borrow your CD! I want to know the music of his people, so that when we get married I’ll know what to dance to.”

 

Danny narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. “You don’t even know if this guy is the real deal. He could be Sicilian, for all you know!”

 

Mindy shrugged. “Well then he can make us really good pizza! You know I can’t miss out on a life like that, Danny. Anyway, they say Italians make the best lovers.”

 

“Well, I don’t wanna brag, but – “ Danny grinned wickedly.

 

“Okay, let me just erase that picture from my mind. Danny, the CD?”

 

Danny handed her back the disc. “Whatever. Educate your heart out.” He turned to go.

 

“Wait!”

 

He paused, hand on the door. “Look, you open the cover and put the CD in, then press play. I know you like to say you’re young, but we both know you’ve had plenty of experience with CD players.”

 

Mindy swatted him on the arm. “Of course I know how to play a CD, Danny. Why else would I know all of the lyrics to every NSYNC album?” She waved her hand. “That’s not the point. The point is, why _listen_ to the culture when I’ve got the real deal right here!” She gestured to him.

 

Danny furrowed his brow. “You want me to give you lessons in what, being Italian?” Mindy nodded eagerly. He pondered for a second, standing up a bit and pushing out his chest. “I mean, I wouldn’t want you to disgrace my heritage. It’s a lot more complicated than cannoli and Tony Bennett, you know!”

 

Mindy frowned and nodded in agreement. She looked up hopefully. “So, you’ll do it?”

 

Danny smirked. “Yeah, let’s do it. I’ll show you what it’s really like to be Italian.”

 

“Great!” Mindy beamed. “I’ve already got it all sketched out. Paolo won’t be able to resist falling in love with me after he experiences my four-point man-catching plan,” she added, rubbing her hands together in anticipation.

 

“Oh come on, can’t you just do it the old-fashioned way?”

 

“Nope! You just worry about teaching me to Be Italian, as Fergie says, and I’ll worry about getting the guy.”

* * *

 

 

**_“Step number one: Throw the most sophisticated, classy holiday party anyone has ever attended.”_ **

****

“Tell me again why you have to have a party? Can’t you just ask him out?”

 

Mindy shook her head as they walked down the aisle in the shop. “Danny, that is not romantic at all. And I want him to feel comfortable! This way, we can get to know each other in a familiar arena.”

 

Danny dragged his hand down his face. “’Arena’. It’s like this is a battle for you or something.”

 

Mindy paused to look at some plates and smirked. “All is fair and love and war.”

 

Danny rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets, glancing up at the cheesy piñatas hanging from the ceiling. “So, what are we looking for here?”

 

“Decorations and dinnerware. Do you think spray-painting the champagne flutes red, white and green would be too much?”

 

“Yes.” Danny sighed and scanned the shelves, stopping a little ways away from Mindy. “Here.” He held out two packets of red and green napkins. “You can fold these nicely and get some clear plastic plates. That way, it’s Christmasy, but not cheesy.” He paused. “And we both know you won’t go anywhere near a dishwasher,” he smirked.

 

Mindy plucked the two packages from his hands and dropped them into the basket. “I knew there was a reason I brought you along,” she smiled, patting his cheek.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Danny replied, exasperated, but the slight blush couldn’t hide all. “Let’s go look at decorations.”

 

Mindy sauntered off towards the snowflakes, Danny following behind. He immediately reached out and pulled her hand back from the snow machine. “But –“ He simply shook his head and turned her towards the twinkling lights.

 

“Classy.” Mindy nodded, reminding herself of her goal. She turned to Danny, face alight. “Oh! I can set these up outside too, on the fire escape! Wouldn’t that be a romantic little area for us to sip champagne?” Her eyes took on a dreamy quality. “Then I’ll pretend it’s cold, even though I’ll have on like 3 layers of Spanx, and he’ll pull me in tight to keep me warm, and he’ll look down at me and brush snowflakes off of my outrageously long and full eyelashes and it’ll be the most romantic moment of the entire party.” She sighed.

 

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Danny grunted back. “What else do we still need?”

 

Mindy glanced down into the basket. “We’ve got plastic champagne flutes, plates, napkins, that plastic silverware that looks metal – good catch by the way, twinkle lights…I think that’s about it. I’m getting Morgan to haul the Christmas tree up the stairs to my apartment this afternoon, and I’ve already got enough glitter at home to coat Lady Gaga if I wanted.”

 

“Sounds like we’re set, then.”

 

Mindy nodded. “Yep.” She grinned, turning to Danny as they walked up to the register. “And now for my favorite step – part 2!”

* * *

 

“ ** _Step two: serve the best variety of Italian food so he feels at home.”_**

****

“Oh come on, my chicken parm is better than this!” Danny set his fork down on the table and pushed his seat back.

 

Mindy eyed his half-eaten meal. “So, are you not going to finish that?” She speared the rest of his chicken as he shook his head, going to town while Danny sipped his wine.

 

He looked around at the full dining room, frowning. “You know, if you’re gonna pay this much to eat here, they could at least try and make the food worth it.” He held up a breadstick. “Do you see this? They don’t even have olive oil or balsamic vinegar to dip the bread in!”

 

Mindy grabbed the breadstick from his hand, chewing thoughtfully as she devoured it. “You’re right, it’s just so wrong,” she agreed as she took another one. She finished swallowing and turned to Danny. “So what should I do? I guess I could order pizza for everyone, just make sure to get pepperoni…”

 

Danny waved his hand for the check and shook his head. “No, no. I’ll make the food for the party. I can’t let Italian cuisine be misrepresented like this.”

 

“Aww, thanks Danny!” Mindy smiled, rubbing his knee in appreciation. She grabbed the last breadstick from the basket as Danny held out her coat, ushering her out the door.

 

“So what now?” she asked between bites.

 

“We’re gonna do a little shopping.”

 

Mindy clapped in excitement, following behind as Danny stalked off down the street.

                                       

* * *

 

“Grab that lettuce.” Danny pointed to the produce section as he wheeled the cart down the aisle. Mindy did as told, placing it in the cart along with the stuffed shell noodles, tomato sauce, ricotta, zucchini, and breadcrumbs.

 

“Danny, why are we shopping for a rabbit?”

 

Danny rolled his eyes. “We’re making the antipasta. You’ll like it – you can pick out the lettuce and just eat the meat and cheese.”

 

“You know me so well,” Mindy smiled, grabbing Danny’s arm and leaning into him. Danny glanced down at her, a warmth spreading throughout his chest before Mindy shrieked and he almost ran into a display of Gatorade.

 

“Nice one, Danny!”

 

“Thanks.” He looked away, hoping to hide his red face. “Uh, can you go grab some colored sprinkles for the Struffoli?”

 

“Sure! Oooh, maybe I can get the metallic sparkly ones,” she pondered, turning down the baking aisle. Danny stopped to shake off the warmth in his chest before Mindy returned, six containers of sprinkles in hand.

 

“Min, I really don’t think we’ll need that much.”

 

“And I really think you doubt my love of sprinkles.”

 

Danny just sighed and gestured for her to add them to the cart. “Alright, I think that’s everything.” Mindy nodded, chewing a cookie she’d gotten from the sample section. “The party’s in a week, right? So I’ll bake it the night before and bring it over.”

 

“Sounds good!” Mindy smiled through crumbs. Danny laughed, turning them towards the register.

 

“So,” he sighed, giving in. “What’s the next step?”

* * *

 

**_“Step three: pick out a classy outfit to wear to a classy party.”_ **

****

“Are you taking more selfies? You’ve been in there forever. I’m not getting any younger, you know.”

 

“Oh, I think we both know that.” Mindy called back. “And I have the right to take as many selfies as I want, Danny!” He could hear the swish of fabric as she turned towards the door. “What about this?”

 

Mindy stepped out of the dressing room in a sparkling cocktail dress. Danny was almost blinded by the reflection, a million shards of light dancing on the walls of the clothing store.

 

“Too flashy.” He shielded his eyes, able to hear Mindy pout and sulk back into the dressing room.

 

A few minutes later she stepped back out, dressed in her usual ensemble. She handed six dresses to the attendant.

 

“’This is too flashy’, ‘that’s too sexy’, blah blah blah blah blah. Why don’t _you_ pick out the dress, Danny, if you’re so fashionable?”

 

“Fine, I will,” he replied, smug. Mindy sat down on the couch and checked Instagram while she waited for Danny to return.

 

“Here, try this.” Mindy couldn’t see Danny past the masterpiece he was holding in front of her face. She took it from him, wordlessly carrying it into the dressing room.

 

She emerged a few minutes later, eyes sparkling. “Danny, it’s _perfect_.” She stood in front of the mirrors, admiring her reflection. The dress was mostly white with black trim. It had two straps that crossed but left the back open, and the fabric cut tighter towards the bottom. Mindy smoothed down the edges. “It’s so gorgeous and clean-cut.” She turned around to see how it looked in the back. “And my butt looks pretty damn good too.”

 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Danny waved, walking over to the mirrors. He motioned to the top. “It’s got those straps you always wear outside of work, so I thought you might like that.”

 

“I know! I love it!” Mindy beamed, jumping up and down and clapping her hands.

 

“And you always look good in white.” Danny scratched his head and glanced down at the floor as Mindy smiled back at him in the mirror. “Just, be careful around the tomato sauce, alright?”  


“Thank you, Danny. Really. This is just what I need to host the classiest Italian Christmas party ever.” She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

 

“Yeah, well, I just wanted you to look your best. No red-blooded Italian man could resist you in that dress, Paolo or no Paolo.”

 

Both parties opened their mouths in shock as Danny’s words hung in the air. Danny coughed and shuffled his feet, hiking his thumb over his shoulder. “I’m gonna, um, go make a call while you change. I’ll be outside.”

 

Mindy had to keep herself from laughing as he tripped over his own feet, practically running to the door.

 

After paying and getting the dress boxed up all nice and neat, Mindy met Danny outside. He was fiddling with a loose thread on his leather coat, mumbling something to himself.

 

“Hey,” Mindy greeted him warmly. “You ready for the last step?”

* * *

 

**_“Step four: learn the language of love: Italian.”_ **

****

“Mindy, this is ridiculous. You can’t learn an entire language in four days.”

 

“I don’t need to learn the _entire_ language, Danny, just the important phrases.” She sat down on the couch next to him and brushed her hair out of her face. “I already got Duolingo on my phone and everything. I had to delete my banking app to make room, but no biggie.”

 

Danny almost chastised her but thought better of it, knowing it wouldn’t be worth his time. He grabbed the white board from the table and wrote out a word.

 

“Okay, this is what you say when you greet someone at night. Say it with me: _buonasera_.”

 

“ _Bon-a-ser-a_.”

 

“Almost. Try again, with a little emphasis on the r. _Buonasera_.”

 

“ _Bwon-a-serrrr-a._ ”

 

“Good. Now here’s how you introduce yourself.” He wiped the board clean with his sleeve, writing quickly. “ _Mi chiamo Mindy._ ”

 

Mindy furrowed her brow, concentrating. “ _Mi chiamo Mindy._ _Mee. Keh-yamo Mindy_.”

 

“There you go,” Danny nodded. “Now let’s try a phrase I’m sure you’ll need. _Non parlo Italiano._ It means - ”

 

“Hey!” Mindy punched Danny in the arm. “I _will_ speak Italian. Or at least enough to get by. I’ll keep him distracted otherwise,” she wiggled her eyebrows.

 

“Okay, stop that.” Danny wiped the board off, pinching his nose in thought.

 

“Danny?”

 

“Hmm?” He replied, trying to think of the simplest phrases that even Mindy couldn’t butcher.

 

“How do you say ‘I love you’?”

 

Danny sat up quickly, eyes wide. “Wh – why would you need to know how to say that?” he stammered. “There’s no way you’re gonna say that to the guy after one dinner party, there’s just no way. I won’t let you. It’s irresponsible, is what it is, you can’t just go telling everybody.”

 

“Re _lax_ ,” Mindy rolled her eyes with a tight-lipped smile. “I’m not going to say that to him that _night_. But when I put our beautiful, chestnut-locked, warm-skin-toned children to bed, I want to know how to say it to them.”

 

Mindy watched as Danny began to breathe again, relaxing back into the couch and covering his eyes with his hand.

 

“And besides, I could always just look it up on goog-“

 

“No, stop,” he reached out and grabbed her phone from her, pushing her hands back down into her lap. “You’re just gonna murder it.” He sighed. “Fine. I’ll tell you. _Ti amo._ ”

 

Mindy stared at his lips, memorizing the way they formed the foreign words. “ _Ti amo_ ”.

 

“I love you.”

 

“What?” She snapped her eyes up to his, immediately seeing the fear and confusion there.

 

“That’s what it means. _Ti amo,_ I was just reminding you of what it means, that’s all.”

 

“Okay.” Mindy leaned in, parting her lips slightly. She closed her eyes and…

 

Felt a breeze of air as Danny jumped off the couch and grabbed his jacket.

 

“So, there you go. Now you know everything you need to know to catch Paolo. All four steps are complete.”

 

“Right.” Mindy got up, more following Danny as he backed towards the door rather than walking him there. “So, I’ll see you at the party? It’s at 7 o’clock.”

 

Danny nodded vigorously. Mindy could already see the sheen of sweat coating his brow as he yanked the door open. “See you then. Ciao! That’s, uh, that’s goodbye, in Italian. Or hello. Okay, just text me if you have any more questions. Bye.”

 

Mindy smirked at the now-closed door, laying down on her bed and smiling as she opened Duolingo.

* * *

 

“Hey, Danny! _Benvenuto_!” Mindy opened the door widely. “See! I learned another word without you!”

 

“Yeah, that’s great,” Danny replied, his gaze fixed on the sight before him. “Wow, Min, you look…amazing.” He scratched his chin, half a grin across his face. “That dress is stunning. You’re stunning.”

 

“Why thank you, my little personal stylist,” Mindy beamed, twirling around for him. Her for once simple but elegant earrings twinkled, casting little flecks of light across Mindy’s cheek like an early snowfall. “You wanna come in?” She asked, clearly noting how long Danny had been staring at her.

 

“Yeah, yeah, thanks.” He stepped inside the door, scanning the empty apartment. He pulled his sleeve up to check his watch. “Hey, am I early? I thought you said 7 o’clock.”

 

“Nope. Right on time,” Mindy smiled, taking the stuffed shells and antipasta from him. “These smell great. I’m gonna go set them on the counter. Make yourself at home,” she added, ticking her head towards the couch.

 

Danny followed her directions, sitting down and looking suspiciously around him. The decorations were up. The food was here. So where was the party?

 

“Here you go.” Mindy sat down next to Danny, handing him a beer.

 

“Hey, this is my favorite kind,” he noted, twisting the bottle around to study the label. “How’d you know that?”

 

“I just took note,” Mindy grinned. She took a sip from her champagne flute. She and Danny sat quietly for a minute, both studying the white Christmas tree in all its sparkling glory.

 

Danny cleared his throat. “Soo, uh, Min?”

 

“Mhm?” She answered through another sip.

 

“Where is everyone?”

 

Mindy took a deep breath and turned to him, looking Danny straight in the eyes. “Everyone ishere.”

 

“Uh…what about Paolo? What about your four-point foolproof man-catching plan?”

 

Mindy glanced down quickly before smiling a small little shy grin. “You’re Paolo.”

 

“Come again?” Danny choked on his beer.

 

Mindy gulped down some more of her champagne. “There is no Paolo. You’re Paolo. Do you get it?”

 

Danny tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. “No, not really.”

 

Mindy grabbed him and kissed him. Danny froze at first, then quickly reacted to the lips searching his. He could taste the champagne and a faint hint of stuffed shells – how had she gotten to them already? – as he grabbed her face and pulled her closer to him. He ran his thumbs across her cheeks, reveling in how smooth her skin was, inhaling her scent. She was wearing that perfume he loved so much, the one that smelled like flowers with just a hint of citrus. He moved to the opposite side, trying to angle the kiss even deeper. Mindy responded in kind, running her fingers through his hair and tugging a bit. Danny couldn’t help but smirk, causing Mindy to pull back. They both breathed heavily, Mindy almost laying on top of Danny now.

 

“So,” he stated, finally able to produce words. “I’m Paolo.”

 

Mindy nodded vigorously. “You’re Paolo.”

 

Danny gestured to the empty apartment. “And all of this was for me. I’m the lucky victim of your four-point foolproof man-catching plan?”

 

“Well, technically it’s a five-point foolproof man-catching plan. I did have to convince you it was all for someone else, after all,” Mindy grinned. “But it worked.” She paused, face falling with fear. “Right? It worked?”

 

Mindy got her answer in the form of another kiss.

 

“Mmm, Danny,” she gasped for air, “I forgot!”

 

Danny pulled her back down, managing to keep her there for a few more seconds until she could muster up the motivation to stop again. Mindy slowly kissed the corners of Danny’s mouth, placing one last kiss on his lips before pulling back just enough to look him in the eyes. “Ti amo.”

 

Danny’s face broke out into a grin, his smile reaching from cheek to cheek. Mindy could visibly see him gulp, taking in her face before asking “Tu mi ami?”

 

“Si, ti amo.” Mindy grinned right back, watching Danny’s eyes dance in the soft twinkle of the lights. She scrunched her nose up for a second. “If what you were asking is if I love you. Then, yes. I love you.”

 

Mindy could barely get the words out before Danny was crushing her in another kiss, pulling back every few seconds to whisper “Ti ami” in her ear. She giggled, burying herself in the crook of Danny’s neck and inhaling his Danny Smell, a stupid grin permanently plastered on her face.

 

Tired out from all the foreign relations, they rested together on the couch. Mindy laid across Danny’s chest, listening to his slowing heartbeat. “Mmm, I should try to welcome Italian visiting consultants more often,” she teased, running her fingers up and down Danny’s arm.

 

“Don’t you dare,” Danny grumbled. “’Paolo?” He tsked. “What kind of name is that? He probably couldn’t even make his own sauce.”

 

“That’s right baby, you tell him,” Mindy chuckled. “Next time, I’ll try to think of something more Italian. Ooh, what about Lucca? Or Enzo? He’s on Vampire Diaries, so that’s a pretty authentic name…”

 

Danny shut her up by proving just how good of an Italian lover he could be.

**Author's Note:**

> Mindian growl's prompt was:
> 
>  
> 
> "What if Mindy's fool proof four point man trapping plan in CPST was made for Danny, an AU with fluff angst smut whatever and wherever your mind takes you, can include them spending Christmas together as a result of the plan succeeding."
> 
> I hope she and anyone else reading enjoys! Happy holidays, everyone! :) xoxo


End file.
